My year as a tree...

As the snow begins to coat the hills of the Pend Oreille Valley, and freezing temperatures set in for the long haul of a NorthWest winter, I’m reminded of the changes in my life, so much like the seasons. Nearly a year has elapsed and left stripped of my facade, I’ve grown from, what could have appeared to be, near death. As though a towering tree in a setting of any late Autumn forest deep, I presented all of my colors. My ignorance, and inexperienced green, cowardly yellow, an unattractive angry shade of red. Shades emerged at the hint of a breeze, that I was sure I’d grown beyond with time and age. Then that Force of nature blew through, attempting to tear me down, and I found myself stripped of the leaves that so well hid the rough shell of my existence. Evidence of the poor soil I fed from, the nutrient stealing shrubbery all around me, and the direction I was leaning were evident to he who took a moment to notice.

Without this fluttering cover to hide the wretched reality of my dysfunctional ways, I was left standing, looking upon myself with two options; allow myself to keep my shallow roots in place, while I thickened my skin. Continue living on day to day, until ultimately, my branches would fall. I’d be left a snag, alone, only to blow down in one of the many storms that swept through my life. With the great assumption that people around me would remember me, that great tree, those grand colors! Never realizing that I was just a small insignificant piece of the forest. Bigger, Stronger, Wiser trees existed.

Or I could take notice of how I looked standing there naked, deeply unhappy, unhealthy, and living only for the moments when I could get others to notice, as the sun shined an occasional spotlight on me.

So, I decided dig deeper, stand taller, grow wiser. Immediately the changes were evident !!! It was spectacular… I felt invigorated by the transformation I felt within, and could witness of the actions, and reactions around . As the seasons changed, more comfortable weather left me sluggish and lazy, and slowly I found myself tired of working at it. Comfortable in my ways, it was often hard to keep pushing for the sky. But it would just take a good look back, to the embarrassment and discomfort of those flying colors I couldn’t control, moving forward to the incredible sense of pride I felt doing things right, even in growing within, the little things that only I would notice, and changes that only I would ever be aware of, and once again, I was back to digging deeper, grasping farther, and balancing all that is my life…

Now, a year later, Fall is turning to Winter, and I’m settling in, stripped of the pomp and circumstance, to have a good look at what I’ve achieved, what has left permanent scars, and what I’ve left to do, pieces to pick up, all to become a stronger more balanced structure. I’ll always want to be that one tree that gets noticed above most others, but as I’ve surely witnessed, A strong and noble tree can bear the scars and contrast of struggle, as well as grasp hold and embody obstacles of any form.

I’m welcoming this Winter as a time for me to sort out the many options I have for the future, and a time to rest, for next year will be my greatest yet….